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Not sure if this was a good idea - 10/29/2009 12:18:12 PM
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serenitynow123
Posts: 82
Joined: 1/16/2009
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This occured a while ago...but it got me to thinking of ways to ask women out.
I live in a rather smaller area....so singles groups are typically frowend upon in our churches...or not encouraged, but we do have "Young Adults" groups...where we just get together to go out and socialize....go out to eat, etc etc....yes, there are even married people in said group.....it eventually disbanded due to lack of interest anyhow.
Well, I happened to bump into a single lady in the seat next to me during service...after the service we got to chatting, and I told her about the group....and if we ever had a social gathering or a meeting, I'd contact her.
She attended a couple of meetings with us.
A couple of times, I'd call her up to chat with her on the phone, eventually I worked up the nerve to ask her out.
She was rather offended by this, because she said, "Well, if I knew you got my number to ask me out, I would have never have given it to you"
She thought it was poor taste on MY part to use her phone number to ask her out, as opposed to using it to keep her posted about meetings of the Youth Group.
Seems no matter what men do to ask out a woman, it's deemed creepy.
So , was it wrong what I did? I mean....how else am I suppose to ask out a woman?
I know some guys that who have college classmates they ask to be their "study partner" when the real motive is to ask them out...eventually.
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RE: Not sure if this was a good idea - 10/29/2009 2:20:48 PM
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Prairiehiker
Posts: 4027
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And my response to someone like that?
Meh!
_____________________________
Search me, Oh God, and know my heart
Try me, and know my anxieties;
And see if there is any wicked way in me, and
Lead me in the way everlasting Psalm 139:22-24
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Go Steelers!!!
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RE: Not sure if this was a good idea - 10/29/2009 7:43:27 PM
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heliftsmeup
Posts: 11
Joined: 3/17/2009
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I don't see anything wrong with inviting her to the group to get to know her and see how she interacts with your other friends to see what quality character she has, however, she gave you the phone number for not other purpose other than to keep her informed and posted on group going's on.
IMHO you did not ask her for her number with the sole intent of asking her out on a date. This would have been straight forward and it would have made your intent obvious.
Instead of asking her if you could call her to ask her out on a date while you were face to face you used the phone number for your own personal gain. (And I use that statement loosely as I can not think of a better way to phrase it.)
I do think she did over react a bit. An older more mature woman would have acted flattered and said thank you but no thank you and left it at that. Then again a more mature man probably wouldn't have asked or approached her unless she showed obvious interest in him. Which ofcourse always leads to the standard question singles on this site have been asking for years which is why don't Christian men ask Christian women out more. Personally IMHO it is a dance between two people testing the waters and finding out if they have things in common, are compatable, believe alike and are safe. I think this is the biggest factor in our churches today. Church is a place for the lost to be found, the hurting to be healed and the seekers to learn. To many times I think men don't ask woman out because the women are not giving off signs that they are approachable and flexable. I think that is why so many church singles groups don't thrive. They focus soelly on singles living a pure life totally for God when while they may feel called to serve God they do not feel called to a celebet single life and our church singles groups do little or nothing to properly equip singles to navigate the dating world. The result is they go out and end up doing thing same as the world or falling into old habits or just plain getting hurt and then they return back to church hurt as a sactuary or safe haven from the big bad world and don't want to be messed with. The fact that there seems to be more women then men in church's like this is only typical as women tend to be more spiritually connected and men tend to deny God exsists for the most part until he brings them to their knees. Men and take or leave church in other words. Just a personal observation so don't shoot me for over generalizing here.
quote:
ORIGINAL: serenitynow123
This occured a while ago...but it got me to thinking of ways to ask women out.
I live in a rather smaller area....so singles groups are typically frowend upon in our churches...or not encouraged, but we do have "Young Adults" groups...where we just get together to go out and socialize....go out to eat, etc etc....yes, there are even married people in said group.....it eventually disbanded due to lack of interest anyhow.
Well, I happened to bump into a single lady in the seat next to me during service...after the service we got to chatting, and I told her about the group....and if we ever had a social gathering or a meeting, I'd contact her.
She attended a couple of meetings with us.
A couple of times, I'd call her up to chat with her on the phone, eventually I worked up the nerve to ask her out.
She was rather offended by this, because she said, "Well, if I knew you got my number to ask me out, I would have never have given it to you"
She thought it was poor taste on MY part to use her phone number to ask her out, as opposed to using it to keep her posted about meetings of the Youth Group.
Seems no matter what men do to ask out a woman, it's deemed creepy.
So , was it wrong what I did? I mean....how else am I suppose to ask out a woman?
I know some guys that who have college classmates they ask to be their "study partner" when the real motive is to ask them out...eventually.
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RE: Not sure if this was a good idea - 10/30/2009 12:25:32 PM
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WhiteRoseBlessings
Posts: 18172
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Here . . . but subject to change; stay tuned
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Tinkerbell_
I think this is an issue SHE has and not all women. Personally from what you said it sounds like she overreacted. Heaven forbid you actually got to know her and decided you liked her AFTER you got her phone number. 
Chalk it up and move on. Not all women are like this. 
I agree.
She should have either stated at the beginning her parameters for giving you her phone number or not have given it at all if she didn't want you to use it for anything else other than group updates.
As far as original intent, I didn't read where Serenity said he was immediately interested in her.
And as I sit here thinking about it, even if the original intent did include some interest in the lady, I still don't believe Serenity did anything inappropriate or even less mature.
I'm so glad I'm not a man! 
You guys are wrong if you do and wrong if you don't.
Many women (not all) lay all these rules on men; and they end up being so very conflicting. It's enough to make a man become a hermit. LOL
If a guy was interested in me, and I didn't know if I was interested in him or not, I'd be flattered if it took him a while to build up to asking me out. A few phone calls here and there to break the ice doesn't seem less mature to me; it seems sweet.
Now. If I knew I wasn't interested in him, I would either make that very clear to him when giving him my phone number (with the intent of receiving group updates from him), or, If I didn't want him to call for any reason at all, I wouldn't give him my number. If, after a few group update phone calls, he asked me out, I wouldn't be upset at all. I would either say "yes," "no" or "not now."
_____________________________
❖ Let's Discuss the Advent Season ❖
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RE: Not sure if this was a good idea - 10/30/2009 1:04:00 PM
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Tinkerbell_
Posts: 8034
Joined: 1/25/2008
From: NeverNeverLand
Status: offline
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Ugh! This is so true, Sharon-Marie. I would hate to be a single guy. *pats all the single guys*
_____________________________
When I've shown you that I just don't care
When I'm throwing punches in the air
When I'm broken down and I can't stand
Will you be strong enough to be my man?
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RE: Not sure if this was a good idea - 10/30/2009 1:11:24 PM
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Tinkerbell_
Posts: 8034
Joined: 1/25/2008
From: NeverNeverLand
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Works for me. 
(can we sample them to make sure they weren't accidentally poisoned, or worse, taste bad?)
_____________________________
When I've shown you that I just don't care
When I'm throwing punches in the air
When I'm broken down and I can't stand
Will you be strong enough to be my man?
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RE: Not sure if this was a good idea - 10/30/2009 1:14:30 PM
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WhiteRoseBlessings
Posts: 18172
Joined: 4/11/2005
From: Here . . . but subject to change; stay tuned
Status: offline
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That's a set-in-stone prerequisite.
_____________________________
❖ Let's Discuss the Advent Season ❖
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RE: Not sure if this was a good idea - 10/30/2009 2:33:47 PM
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Tinkerbell_
Posts: 8034
Joined: 1/25/2008
From: NeverNeverLand
Status: offline
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TF...we've told you a HUNDRED TIMES....JUST CALL THE WOMAN!!!!
If you don't ask the answer is always NO! 
_____________________________
When I've shown you that I just don't care
When I'm throwing punches in the air
When I'm broken down and I can't stand
Will you be strong enough to be my man?
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RE: Not sure if this was a good idea - 10/30/2009 3:06:59 PM
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Tinkerbell_
Posts: 8034
Joined: 1/25/2008
From: NeverNeverLand
Status: offline
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Meh...it's amazing what can happen when one is creative. 
_____________________________
When I've shown you that I just don't care
When I'm throwing punches in the air
When I'm broken down and I can't stand
Will you be strong enough to be my man?
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RE: Not sure if this was a good idea - 10/31/2009 9:49:34 AM
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ShallbeRebuilt
Posts: 1596
Joined: 11/8/2007
Status: offline
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Honestly.
This.
Woman.
Is.
Silly.
You are not at fault at all. But you did eliminate one person from the eligible list.
Ladies, we have GOT to grow up about these things and quit making it so difficult for the guys. Yes, there are chumps and perverts out there...put your big girl p*nties on and deal with that in your own mind...get a network of protection set up, learn how to be safe, and then take courage and brave the beasts---most of them are teddy bears and pussy cats, and quite nice ones, too.
If I give out my phone number, I give it with the knowledge that it could be used for any number of nefarious OR PERFECTLY LEGITIMATE purposes. If I don't want it to be used for those, then I don't give it out.
Tell this person that from now on fine, she can actually read the bulletin if she wants to join the party, and that you won't be calling her to inform her of the events any more.
sheesh.
shallbe
_____________________________
has decided that the command against forsaking the assembling of ourselves together shall henceforth be considered satisfied when she wakes up each morning and finds that all her body parts are still assembled...
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